i still believe
sometimes, i still feel surprised whenever something bad happens to me. not thati've always believed my life to be perfect. far from it. ever since i was a kid,i've been wary of perfection. i believed in the odd practice of not making a babylaugh too much as it would cry later on. i never asked anyone why that was. forme, it was because the universe (i don't know if i called it that at that time) had its own way of balancing things. no one can ever be totally happy all the time. after being happy, one has to be sad. at an early age, i already had a concept of the yin and yang.
and so for this betrayal of sorts to happen to me - well, it was a surprise. itshouldn't have since i already know the character of the person. what i didn't know was that i was an incurable optimist. it never mattered how many times this person has proven to be such an asshole. subconsciously, i still believed that everyone has innate goodness in them. i still do, but that person has made me unforgiving. i have never been betrayed by a friend before. i hold friendships sacred - even more so than love. friendships make me believe in forever. that one made me wary of ever making friends of anyone remotely like him.but the one thing the whole debacle has taught me was to appreciate the friendsi already have. he hasn't hurt my belief in friendship. he has ended our friendship, that's for sure. and i will never thank him for anything that has happened before. this is the one time that i'll never look back on the good times. because no matter how good they were, it will never make up for the fact that it has made me doubt the sincerity of those said good times. although i had fun, i will prefer not to remember him along with those moments. it's better this way than forever berating myself for telling him my dreams and fears. i know that i wasn't foolish and that none of this was my fault.
in the end, betrayal makes you wiser. of course, it also makes you cynical. i'll try not to be. i still believe in a lot of things i used to. i still believe thatfriendship and family - in all its forms - are the most important things in life. i still believe that everyone will always have a bit of goodness in them. i justdon't believe in him, that's all.
